Apologies, Non-Apologies and Dispute Resolution

by Kathryn Munn

“Love means never having to say you're sorry,” was Ali McGraw's line in the 1970 movie Love Story. How things have changed! Now we regularly hear about public apologies, as well as books and articles to help us apologize. In an Associated Press story, 2006 was called the “year of apology” with the quip “Apologizing means never having to say you're sorry”.

Let's look at some examples of apologies in the news in 2006 and so far in 2007:

  • The government of Ghana apologized for its role in the slave trade.

  • Although he did not apologize specifically, the Pope “expressed regret” for offending Muslims and said his speech “did not reflect his personal views”.

  • Mel Gibson apologized for his anti-Semitic comments when he was pulled over for impaired driving. His statement soon after the incident was, “Please know in my heart that I am not an antiSemite. I am not a bigot.”

  • “There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life,” wrote Rev Ted Haggard to his congregation after allegations that he consorted with a gay prostitute and snorted meth.

  • Canadian environmental groups apologized for making a “thoughtless and insensitive” mistake by suggesting that then-Environment Minister Rona Ambrose spent more time on her hair than on the job.

  • TV show Grey's Anatomy actor, Isaiah Washington apologized, focusing mainly on his use of the word “faggot” in relation to another member of the cast.

  • “I welcome the chance to meet with leaders of the gay and lesbian community to apologize in person and to talk about what I can do to heal the wounds I've opened.”

  • In January, 2007, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper apologized to Mahrer Arar. “On behalf of the government of Canada, I wish to apologize to you, Monia Mazigh and your family for any role Canadian officials may have played in the terrible ordeal that all of you experienced in 2002 and 2003.” In 2006, an inquiry found that although the RCMP was implicated, Mr Arar himself was not at fault concerning his deportation by the U.S. government to Syria where he was tortured.

    “One of the most profound human interactions is the offering and accepting of apologies,” is Dr. Lazare's opening sentence in his book On Apology. Apologies range from this end of the spectrum to the insincere public statements that illustrate “never having to say you're sorry” by saying so little about the wrongdoing that precipitated the statement. According to the Associated Press story, Ken Sunshine, an American publicist explained the apology phenomenon in this way, “Everybody loves a story of redemption....When in doubt, go to rehab or find God.”